Can you believe we’re in the final weeks of 2020? Phew… what a year!
So now what? What could 2021 possibly have in store for us?
No one has a definite answer. I certainly don’t have one either. But, I’ll suggest 4 timeless, empowering questions to ask yourself to make the most out of your life, regardless of what we’re up against.
If there’s one thing this past year has taught us, is that we don’t have complete control over what happens to us in life. We do, however, have control over the way we choose to respond to challenges, no matter how difficult.
So, let’s begin there, shall we?
1. Do I know the difference between the things I can and can’t control?
It’s not just about knowing the difference in your mind, but realizing deep within your heart, how and where you put your energy, effort and time when facing challenges. Because if you invest it all in trying to shape and mold every situation, and the outcome isn’t quite the way you wanted, you may be putting your well-being at risk, and jeopardizing the good you already have in your life.
It’s perfectly natural to experience feelings of disappointment and despair at first. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and not brush them off. But, what’s even more important is not to wallow in self-pity and defeat.
Every obstacle, challenge, hardship, is an opportunity to discover your blind spots, learn a little more about yourself, use that knowledge to act accordingly, and most importantly to let things go, so you can move forward.
Jim Carey said it best,
“When I say life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you, I really don’t know if that’s true. I’m just making a conscious choice to perceive challenges as something beneficial so that I can deal with them in the most productive way.”
The moment you accept that the way you choose to respond to challenges and setbacks is the only thing you have control over, you will discover and utilize your strengths, wisdom, and capabilities to overcome them, learn the lessons they contain, and keep growing from them. You will no longer be paralyzed by fear, but have confidence, trust and belief in yourself to accept it, push through it and do what you need to do. It’s from this place that you experience inner peace, joy and make the most out of life, even with its ups and downs.
2. How do I receive and respond to confrontation and others’ opinions of me?
There’s a big difference between listening to understand and listening to react. When you listen to understand you create a moment of union with another that allows you to look past the person’s behavior and discern what’s really happening inside them. From this understanding, you will communicate calmly, confidently and assertively. Your response will be effortlessly precise and appropriate in nearly every situation. When you listen to react, more often than not, your reaction adds fuel to the fire. Sometimes you end up carrying anger, frustration and resentment for days, weeks and months.
I get it, sometimes, in a heated moment our words and actions can be very colorful. I’ve had my share of heated moments, too.
What’s important is to take a moment to reflect, paying close attention to your behavior, observing it without judging or justifying your reaction, trusting yourself enough to be honest to yourself about yourself.
This doesn’t mean that you’re at fault. It means that you want to refocus your energy where control is within your reach. You do not have control in changing another. Trying to get people’s approval and understand where you’re coming from will only consume your time and energy, leaving you drained. But you can examine and alter your behavior to strive to improve yourself. This is so important because it determines how you measure your worth. You may be relying on calculations outside your control, causing your reactive behavior. By choosing to observe your confrontations and reactions, you create more opportunities to understand yourself and others better, develop skills and get wiser. In the process, you learn to value your worth and strengthen your self-confidence. By knowing and valuing your own worth, you’ll never give anyone the power to disturb your inner peace, boosting your energy to make the most out of life.
3. Do I compare myself and my life to others?
If you focus on how you rank in comparison to others, it robs you of your greatness. Of course, it’s wonderful to be inspired by others and learn from them, but if you measure yourself in comparison to others, it’s a recipe for a sure drop in self-confidence, self-worth and happiness. Do you think this is being fair to yourself? Do you truly believe it’s useful in getting the most out of life?
Of course not!
So, instead, accept that where you are now, is exactly where you need to be, to get to where you want to go. Then, focus on your capabilities, strengths, talents, and the things you’re passionate about. Take some kind of real, practical action, no matter how small. You don’t need to have a bulletproof plan to resolve your situation or make whatever change you’ve been wanting to make. Just a small step, then another, and then another. Stay focused on each step, not on what others are doing or not doing. It’s ok if you stumble, that’s how you figure out what you need to adjust or what your next step will be.
Don’t wait for perfection either, because here’s some news flash, it’s never going to happen.
No one’s perfect. I most certainly am not, and I will never place that kind of unrealistic expectation on myself, neither should YOU. Just show up every day and do your best. That’s how you keep getting better.
Look at it this way, your imperfection is what makes you, you. Embrace it. Have fun with it. Use it to your advantage in getting the most out of your life.
Remember; Life is not a competition. It’s a journey. Focus on your journey. Keep walking it. Enjoy it. We are all on a journey, to grow, to use our strengths, to learn, to create. Life has a way of getting us to where we’re supposed to go and achieve great things, when we get out of the way and listen to it.
4. Do I have an attitude of gratitude?
When you adopt a daily attitude of gratitude, you tap into the most powerful source of inspiration in getting the most out of life, even through the toughest of times. If you reflect on some past experiences, you’ll notice how your challenges have shaped you into the person you are today. Have you ever taken the time to be grateful for the strength, wisdom and courage you’ve acquired because of your challenges?
Gratitude is the gateway to self-love, effortlessly allowing you to let go of the barriers within yourself that are built against it. It brings inner peace and joy, spreading kindness to yourself and others, even in difficult times.
If you feel you need to make changes in your life and are not sure where to start, gratitude is the best place to begin. You’ll be amazed by how your energy, motivation and enthusiasm for life will drastically improve. Slowly, you’ll notice that things will seem to work in your favor, and every experience in your life will continue to flourish and grow.
“Gratitude makes sense of the past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” ~Melody Beattie
If self-reflection is relatively new to you, I hope these 4 questions are helpful in getting you started. They have helped me a great deal in taking a big leap of faith in myself, and getting the most out of life.
I am still on my life’s journey, and still face many challenges, especially during this pandemic. Instead of focusing on how my plans got disrupted, I redirected my efforts and energy to finish my book and publish it, ending the year on a very good note.
This book has been on my mind for more than 15 years, nagging at me to tell my story of childhood trauma, as my message to the world. Retelling it from the period that led to the most important turning point in my life, was the best way for me to share my journey as a means to inspire, enlighten and help other survivors find strength and courage on their path of recovery.
It is with immense joy to announce that my memoir, The Lollipop Triumph is now available on Amazon.
P.S. If you know a survivor of childhood abuse and neglect, please tell them about The Lollipop Triumph, so they know they’re not alone. I have shared my childhood abuse story of recovery, to open the possibility for other survivors to feel like they have a companion who understands where they’re coming from, give them hope, and empower them to recover, so they could reclaim their lives and finally find peace and contentment.
