Sometimes, as much as we say we hate drama, walking away from it can be the hardest thing to do, especially when the drama-makers are our loved ones.
Whether we’re putting out fires between them, or being used as their personal punching bag, we’ve all, at some point in our lives, been there.
I sure have!
It took me a while to understand the difference between supporting someone that’s going through a difficult period and being a drama-maker’s punching bag.
The first, is a relationship built on mutual support and understanding, sharing and respect, and bringing out the best in each other.
The latter, is like managing a toxic project; making the other feel powerful, fixing their problems and pampering them.
The day I accepted that I could never live another person’s life for them and would never change them, if they didn’t want to change themselves, it hit me that doing so, was an exhausting futile effort, reducing myself to living a second-hand life, instead of fully living out my own.
By walking away and setting healthy boundaries, I did not miss out by not being in the circle of people’s drama. In fact, a new circle of people that encouraged and challenged me to keep growing, and new opportunities beyond anything I could imagine, came my way.
I am in no position to tell anyone whether or not they should walk away from a situation or person. It’s not anyone’s decision but their own. I certainly cannot convince anyone of the beauty and freedom that comes with being able to stand alone.
- That in those moments when one decides to shut out all the outside noise—comparison, competition, need for approval, expectations of others—they discover their own worth.
- That once one comes to discover their own worth, they’ll be filled with an incredible confidence to face and overcome their own life’s challenges.
- That once they focus on shaping and strengthening their worth, they will not allow anyone, including themselves, to diminish it with drama.
If you’re fed up with getting sucked into others’ drama and how it’s impacting you, I can simply share my truth, in hopes that it will inspire you to find your own truth.
Try to focus on yourself and your own situation to determine the beliefs that still bring value in your life, and the ones that no longer serve you any purpose.
Drama as a distraction
Whatever the messy drama you keep finding yourself in, it may just be that it has become familiar to you, and most probably has served as a way to distract you from something deep inside that still needs healing or dealt with.
Facing ourselves can be very scary. So, we end up doing anything that will turn our attention away from having to deal with what we might find.
Drama eagerly steps in and takes over by occupying our mind.
Awareness
While I cannot give you a magic pill that will make it all go away, from my own experience, I can tell you that just being aware that you may have inner hurts and conflicts is the first, most important step.
Compassion
Whatever is still deep within you, whether it’s from the childhood you had, a trauma, a failure or rejection, it’s crying out to be heard.
What’s funny is, most of us hear the cries, but instead of listening and tending to them ourselves with a gentle, kind and compassionate approach, we try to calm them by feeding others’ drama or forcing someone—through our dramatic behavior—to make us feel loved and appreciated.
Your pain needs and wants attention, affection and validation—not by others, but by YOU!
Yes, this is not easy work. Yes, it may hurt more before it gets better.
But, in today’s society, with all the heavy expectations and loud, deafening noise around us, being your own best friend is the most important work of all. Because, no one can give you what you aren’t willing to give to yourself, and even if they do, they can very well change their minds.
If your mind is occupied with drama, you can’t tend to your inner needs.
Their harmful behavior is not personal
Remember, if what you find are past hurts from those who filled your heart with insecurities, stripping away your value and worth, they were acting and speaking from a place of deep issues that were never dealt with, too.
It had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with YOU!
Sometimes, when someone has been living with a deep hurt for so long, or going through a stressful and painful time, whether emotionally, physically, financially, and so on, it can lead the person to say and do harmful things to others.
Haven’t we all been in a situation where in a heated moment, probably did the same to others? I know I have.
It’s from deeply understanding that people’s harmful behaviors are a reflection of how they feel about themselves, or of what they might be going through, that forgiveness happens, your own healing takes place, and compassion steps in.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness doesn’t imply that you’re fine with what the person did, or that their harmful behavior is justified.
- It means that you give up the exhausting struggle to let them see the suffering they’ve caused you and do something about it.
- It means that you acknowledge that the pain matters to you, and give yourself the compassion you’ve tried so hard to get from the other.
- It means that you let yourself lose interest in the stories you’re still telling yourself, and live in freedom from the feelings and emotions about the past, as you move forward.
Forgiveness is the gateway to stop letting the pain continue to rule your life.
Because, when you hold on to the wrong that has been done to you, the pain stays alive in your heart, and accumulates. When you need someone, depend entirely on them to change and make all your suffering go away, you hold yourself captive and build a wall around your heart from self-compassion. Your heart becomes restless and aches, longing to return to its natural peaceful state. That’s when you try to calm the cries with outside distractions and get sucked into drama.
But it doesn’t work, does it?
That’s because it’s an inside job!
If you take the conscious decision to silently and attentively listen to the conversations you have with yourself, you’ll probably notice that your own dialogues have on some level, contributed in creating and accepting the drama.
This is not a cruel and horrible thing meant to reveal something bad about yourself. In fact, it’s a wonderful and brave thing to do!
Doing so, means you love yourself enough to be honest with yourself about yourself, and see the truth about any false beliefs you may have been holding onto, keeping you stuck in the circle of drama, and let them go.
While the drama may or may not give you a sense of existence, excitement and belonging, walking away from it doesn’t make you lose anything of value. It doesn’t make you stop caring about others, either.
It may just be the best thing to do to bring your heart back to its peaceful state, and for becoming the person you are meant to be. This peaceful state holds a much higher vitality than any messy drama. Because your focus is now on giving your energy to your life’s goals.
Isn’t the work in finding out for yourself worth it?
I know it’s never easy, and at times, scary to realize that by walking away from something familiar, even if it’s detrimental to your well-being, you might need to walk along a path of unknown territory with new obstacles and challenges. It may mean that the people around you will ridicule you in ways that are not even based on the truth of who you are. So, while walking away is hard, staying to suffer is even harder. Because what’s important is YOU—who you are!
Walking away allows you to take the energy and passion you still have, to a space that brings out the best in you and lets you create the life you truly want.
Your best self
When you are your best self, you are effortlessly and freely kind, respectful and loving towards others, while setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. By prioritizing yourself and your well-being, your unique value shines through, making a positive difference in your life and in the lives of those around you.
Trust yourself, believe in yourself and love yourself enough to walk away from situations and people keeping you from being your best self. Walk with the knowledge that when you invest in your worth, the right people and opportunities will come to you.
When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. – Paulo Coelho
