Another year is already coming to an end!

Are you looking forward to the New Year and the promise of a new beginning? Or, are you too exhausted to even give it a second thought?

I ask because lately, one of the biggest topics of discussion with clients has been something like this: “There’s so much I wanted to do (or achieve, or resolve and so on), but it seems that things have only gone around in circles.”

While many recognized their blessings, they also expressed feeling drained over having to deal with some heavy-duty challenges, doing their best just to keep their head above water, let alone all the new beginnings they had hoped to get to.

If you’re nodding your head, I totally understand and you’re not alone.

Once we dug deeper in these discussions, I found that at the source, was a common ground-in frustration.

You know, the one where you keep exhausting your efforts in doing something and nothing ever seems to work. The one where you end up hammering yourself with, “If only I had…”

Yup, that’s the one!

Here’s the interesting part. Very often, this ground-in frustration they were feeling, resurfaced from a past remembrance that was left unchecked and had intensified.

Let me explain.

Do you ever look back on all the decisions you’ve made and dream about how much more of a better, happier and successful life you’d be living, if only you knew then what you know now?

Have these thoughts played in your mind:

• If only I had taken school more seriously.
• If only I had pursued my dream for fashion, music, sports, painting, writing and so on.
• If only I had travelled when I had the chance.
• If only I had had the guts to tell him/her how I felt.
• If only I had paid attention to all the signs from his/her actions.
• If only I had quit my job years ago.
• If only I had been kinder to others

You probably have your own colorful if only I had thought that can be added to this list, but you get the idea, right?

The belief that because of all the wrong or bad decisions you made in the past, you can no longer be truly happy because it’s too late to unscrew what you screwed up.

You’ve probably read stories about how others made a positive change in their life, hoping for a spark of inspiration. But if you’ve convinced yourself that your situation is harder to fix, riskier to walk away from and impossible to resolve, then reading about them can almost make you feel worse.

The biggest realization anyone who turned their past regrets, mistakes and failures into their most vibrant life, was letting go of their hope for a better PAST!

I know, easier said than done. But try letting it marinate for a while.
Pay close attention to your daily habits, actions and interactions. Notice your expectations on others and yourself. Notice the emotions that arise when those expectations are not met. If you’re hard wired on regret, guilt or blaming others, you’ll notice that your feelings of anger, hurt and frustration are probably coming from a past remembrance that has intensified.

Longing for a better past that can never be, is getting in the way of the present that is filled with new and fresh possibilities for creating a better quality of life.

Those tough times that seem like someone keeps putting a stick in your wheel of life, are actually trying to bring you closer to doing what you’re meant to do. You see, you’re so much more capable, stronger and wiser than you give yourself credit for.

Every challenge comes along at a time when you’re ready for them, to let you discover your full potential  and grow into who you REALLY are.

The only stick that’s stopping your wheel of life from turning is you! Letting go of hoping for a better past will remove that stick (you) that’s getting in your way.

Let’s try walking through this milestone of letting go together.

First, let’s go back to the words,

IF—ONLY—I—KNEW—THEN…

But you DIDN’T KNOW THEN!

Do you see the unrealistic expectations you’ve placed on yourself?

At the time, you may very well have not been in the right frame of mind or you acted from your upbringing, or your circumstances. You did with what you knew or how you felt. That’s ok! What you know now, you acquired from years of life experiences.

Yes, there may be consequences to the decisions you made. But carrying the weight of regret, guilt and self-loathing like a permanent heavy backpack, is not going to change anything. Just like carrying a heavy load on your back causes damage to your posture and chronic pain in the long term, the heavy psychological load on your mind causes just as much damage and chronic pain to your wellbeing.

You could not have known then what you know now! This expectation is one of the main reasons why you feel stuck, doing the same thing day after day, week after week, year after year, wondering why your life never seems to change. Once you let go of this unrealistic expectation, you’ll let a crack of light enter to let you see more of the many new and exciting possibilities that have nothing to do with the past.

Second, you can never know for certain that you’d be that much happier today and living the dream life you imagine. Things would certainly be different. Maybe better, maybe not, or probably worse. The main reason why it appears that way, is most probably because you’re comparing yourself to others. Their outside world seems so much more appealing (career, family, possessions, popularity) than yours. Don’t compare yourself to anyone!

The truth is, you can never truly know what another is living within the confinement of their mind. We all have our battles to face.

Everything you did or didn’t do has brought you to where you are now and taught so much about life. I know, sometimes it’s tough to gain a clear understanding from life’s lessons, especially when you’re so caught up with living through every second of the day. Your happiness seems out of reach.

But it doesn’t mean you must stay where you are forever. Trust that the Universe is by your side in everything you have not yet seen. Have faith that what you’ve learned is valuable and will serve you in making changes, trying new things or taking different approaches, towards your own true happiness.

Instead of beating yourself up with regret, guilt and self-loathing, be good to yourself. Be kind to yourself. And above all, believe in yourself.

Don’t look back on this year with disappointment and frustration. Look at your blessings and be grateful. Look at your challenges and be grateful.

Start the New Year with a fresh beginning by doing what matters to you, while being the best you can.

The story we choose to tell about what has happened, can change what has happened.

Remember to always make time to take care of your body, empty your mind and nourish your soul. They are the only vehicle you’ll ever have on your journey through your precious life.

Cherish it. Enjoy it. Live it to the fullest.