Getting Through Life Transitions

“The moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door will open” -Rumi

Ever felt like just when it seemed you had control of things—career, family, friends, possessions—carefully placing one block at a time in your Jenga tower of life, an unexpected force comes along and removes the one block that has your tower crumbling down?

Whether it’s a job loss, the end of a relationship, moving your place of residence and so on. You may or may not have been happy with the situation or with the person, but you were most likely comfortable with the way things were. At least you felt a sense of security in knowing exactly how each day would unfold. So, the last thing you wanted was for things to change.

However, the universe didn’t see eye to eye with your plans and got in the way. Now, you’re faced with a major transition, having to place the blocks back together and rebuild your tower of life.

I’ve had to rebuild my tower a few times, too. It has made me realize and understand that sometimes, when we overstay our welcome in a situation, the universe will force us out and shut the door. If we stay stuck behind the closed door, hoping it’ll open and let us in again, believing that what was behind it was the only good thing we had in our life, we’ll never discover the extraordinary beauty through the door the universe has opened to us.

Even if in the moment it doesn’t feels like it, a door is open. It always is.

There’s a path—your own path—amidst the tribulations of your transition, that is meant to bring out the best in you.

Whatever difficult transition you may find yourself in, if you look closely, you’ll probably notice that the universe may have given you many signs to tell you to walk away from the situation or the person on your own.

But, if you’re like me, you probably believed that the job, place, or person, was the only thing separating you from total misery, giving you a sense that your life wasn’t that bad.

So, the universe stepped in to let you see that the very thing you thought you needed to hold on, was in fact, the biggest thing keeping you from going further than you thought possible.

Each one of us has a purpose, so do you. Often times, you are led to it through a transition path. Even if you’re not seeking change, it will inevitably come looking for you. Sometimes in ways that will knock you down and with situations you wished you’d never had to face. You’ll meet sadness and disappointments. Instead of resisting and trying to avoid them, if you embrace, experience and explore them, they will open your eyes to the true beauty of life the universe wants to show you, and to feel the joy of being alive.

Now, of course, this doesn’t mean everything will fall into place overnight and that you’ll be spared of mistakes, struggles and setbacks along the way. Not because the world is out to get you. That’s a story the mind fabricates and makes you respond in ways that are consistent to believing it’s the truth. But, because the universe believes in you, and wants you to believe in yourself by reminding you how much stronger, capable, brave and resilient you are amidst your tribulations, than you think. Trust that every mistake, struggle and setback are your best teachers, writing chapters in your own inner book of wisdom that hold the answers to everything you need to learn and know. The first page always starts from where you are now. Don’t skim through the lines of everything you’ve accomplished and gotten through so far, the strength and wisdom you’ve gained from them, are still within you. And, don’t edit the lines by placing unrealistic expectations on yourself. You’re very well capable of figuring things out and acquiring whatever skills or knowledge you may be missing.

At first, it’ll feel like the weight of the world just to go out and face the world.

You’ll probably become the flavour of the month, hearing, “So, did you find a job?” Or, “So, did you meet anyone?” or whatever else, over and over.

Whether or not they mean well, it’ll probably make you feel worse. Remember, it’s not about them. Don’t let their fears and insecurities become yours. What’s important is to keep your attention on yourself.

If you’re afraid, be afraid. Start from there.

Look at fear closely. Give it your full attention without any distraction from your thoughts, which is fear’s way of tricking you to stay behind the closed door. You’ll begin to notice the real reason why you’re scared to walk away from the closed door.

Maybe you feel that the job you lost, the relationship, or whatever else you had in your life, would last forever.
Maybe you feel you should already hone the skills and abilities to do what you’ve always wanted, now.
Maybe you feel like your current responsibilities are taking up too much of your time.
Maybe you feel it’s too late to start over and the risk of failure will be too much to endure.

Whatever you’re feeling, at the root lies the greatest fear of all— fear of the unknown.

“Why is the unknown so scary?”

Now, if you stay with this question, you’ll come to realize that you don’t really know what the unknown will bring. So, you’ve probably created another colorful story of what you imagine the unknown to be. That story is what you’re really afraid of. Truth remains, that in the present moment, the story you’ve created is an illusion. Sometimes, fear itself is a greater danger than the thing being feared.

Sure, the mind needs to feel secure, that’s a given. But, if it’s stuck on an illusion, it’ll never feel secure.

Sometimes, you need to break down in order to put the pieces of your life back together the way they were meant to be. So that you can feel your feet firmly on the ground and feel safe in your mind and body, without depending on the outside world. True security comes with the confidence that even though you don’t have it all figured out, you’ll get through this one, too, a little stronger and wiser. Remember to come back to your inner book of wisdom, you’ll probably end up seeing deeper and deeper truths about certain things in life you thought you understood.

You will always be faced with transitions in life, nothing is permanent. This is the reality of life, in constant movement and change.

Everything will happen and it will pass. Each one is an opportunity to better understand a part of yourself that hasn’t been exposed. No matter how hard a transition may seem at first, when you recognize it for what it is—a place to discover, learn and grow, you’ll begin to step into it with a sense of curiosity and the confidence to say, “I got this!” without comparing it to how comfortable and easy things once were.

So, cry if you want to cry. Let what you have inside teach you what you need to know, and release it.

Keep breathing, feel the life flowing through you with every breath.

Keep feeling it, let the pieces fit where they belong.

Keep showing up, even when it seems useless, it’s not.

Keep doing the work, whatever you do in a day, it’s enough.

One step at a time, you’ll get to the other side of the open door.