Have You Become Someone You’re Not?

Have you ever walked out your front door, feeling like you just stepped onto center stage for your day’s performance to the world?

You know, the award-winning performance where you put on a fake smile, pretending you have no imperfections, no flaws, no struggles and your heart is not shattered.

The one where you become everything to everyone and pretend to have every situation all figured out.

The one that makes you feel like collapsing at the end of the day from trying so hard to hide your painful truth for days, weeks, months or years.

Yup, that’s the one!

Phew! It’s exhausting just writing about it.

As human beings, we’re constantly changing and growing from one day to another, whether it’s physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and so on. It’s a normal and healthy part of living that makes us feel alive when in our heart, we know it’s a manifestation of our truest self.

However, when we force unnatural changes on ourselves to be someone, we think is better than who we truly are, we are merely existing, constantly on a search to find meaning to our life.

We could keep on exhausting ourselves, trying to hide every imperfection, flaw, screw up and struggle, hoping no one will find out that we’re not perfect.

Or, we could liberate ourselves by effortlessly being our perfectly imperfect self that makes us real and live a life that’s true to us.

Just like every rose gives its wonderful perfume and expression of beauty to the world, it also has its thorns. Even though many of us have experienced pricking our fingers on its thorns, we are still very much drawn to the rose and carefully choose one of its vibrant colors to communicate our feelings of appreciation, friendship, happiness and LOVE to each other.

If you’ve ever tried breaking off the thorns, you know that it can’t be easily done. They are part of the unique beauty of a rose, serving as the official flower of Love!

In the same way, your imperfections, flaws and struggles, are the essence of what makes you feel connected to yourself and give your life meaning. Through them, you naturally go through changes that are instrumental in growing your unique gifts and bringing them out into the world.

They are also the essence of what makes others relate and feel connected to you.

In all my years of traveling and living in different countries, the most important thing I have come to understand, is that, no matter our different races, cultures, traditions and backgrounds, we are all one.

We have definitely gone through different life experiences, but at the core, we have ALL know pain, suffering, struggles, and we all have imperfections, flaws and maybe even scars.

Yet, we waste so much energy disconnecting from ourselves and each other with unrealistic expectations of perfection. We don’t realize that perfection is the root cause of separation, conflicts and suffering.

Of course, this doesn’t mean we become sloppy, lazy and irresponsible. But, that we stop hiding behind a picture perfect image of ourselves, thinking that it will make us a better person, or more popular, more successful and accepted by others. When in fact, it only keeps us in a self-destructive prison cell and strips away our authenticity, creativity and confidence.

So, what if we questioned this concept of perfectionism? Why have we accepted perfectionism instead of BEING OUR TRUE SELF?

I mean, if we have all know pain and suffering, if we all have imperfections and flaws, if we all have known struggles and challenges, can’t we give ourselves a break and be real?

You don’t need to be perfect to inspire and connect with others. You’d be amazed at how many people will be drawn to you by the way you embrace your imperfections and handle your struggles, influencing them to do the same. And, the ones who belittle you, are just having a hard time accepting and facing their own. Chances are, that no matter how hard you try, they may never give you the approval or recognition you’re hoping for.

In a world where you can be ANYTHING you want; a dancer, a teacher, a doctor, a chef and so on, you can’t be ANYONE but yourself!

If you chose to be that anything just to be a somebody and fit in, you might end up with a nice-looking life that are discontented with.

Instead you could stand out with your own unique perfume and feel your most vibrant self. Then, your smile will be a wholehearted, joyful expression that even though you’re not perfect, that’s okay. Because you’ve given yourself the permission to live a life and have relationships that are true to you, not to whatever you thought would be accepted by others.

I know it’s not easy. I stayed stuck in an illusory nice looking life that felt like I was suffocating for years. And, I still need to remind myself of this every so often.

Start small and go at your own pace. Try to identify situations or interactions where you tend to hide your imperfections and flaws, or force yourself to do something you don’t want to do, just to fit in.

Then, take a deep long breath and try being honest with the situation or person. If at first all you do is observe yourself and become aware of your pretending, that’s perfectly okay. Awareness is a major step towards taking action. Then, start with something you feel most comfortable with. As you keep doing this, you’ll gain confidence to keep going and start to feel the heavy weight of pretending you’ve been carrying getting lighter and lighter, until you feel back home to your real self.

At some point, Love will lead your way through the midst of it all, and you’ll even find laughter in the things you once tried to hide from.

Remember, what’s important is YOU—ALL of YOU. Your inner voice. Your feelings. Your flaws. Your ups and downs. Your dreams. And, most of all, every small daily action that nurtures and cares for your unique seed and lets it grow.

I want to re-share three true life examples from people who completely turned their lives around, once they liberated themselves by being their perfectly imperfect self. They have been a great inspiration to me and hope they’ll spark something inside you too.

Rough Road to Success

Growing up, Ayisha Issa did some “interesting” things which she thought were her sense of self identity and tried hard to please everyone. The day she said, “Ok, I’m miserable. This image I’m projecting of myself, isn’t working for me,” her journey led to standing as one of the best-known practitioners of Brazilian Jiu-jitsu at her level in Quebec and being a regular on the popular Quebec TV series Unite 9. Click here to read her full story.

Accepting Your Scars

At one years old, Mario had an accident that left a burned scar all over his chest and left arm. All he wanted to do was hide his scars. They were a constant reminder of the bullying he endured growing up. The day, he accepted that his scars were a special part of who he was, he went on to become a successful engineer and met the girl of his dreams. Click here to read his full story.

Learning Your Life Lesson

Growing up, Ursula was labelled as the “ugly duckling” of her siblings. Being made fun of over and over, she tried her hardest to get everyone’s approval. It only drove her in a state of hurt and anger, secluding herself from everyone except for her parents and husband. Then, at 32 years old, she experienced a massive turning point in her life that completely changed her relationship with herself and others, and led to rekindling with her passion and start her own business. Click here to read her full story.