Regardless of how successful we are, or how big our circle of friends, or how much stuff we own, loneliness can affect us all at different times in our life and touch us on different levels.
In today’s modern world, we’re bombarded with so much information, constantly reminding us of what we should do or shouldn’t do and to feel good about ourselves. We’re taught to avoid pain, mistakes and failures at all costs, and to keep our emotions bottled up because they’re a sign of weakness.
It’s no wonder that most of us rush through life, going from one event to another, one goal to another, one latest trend to another, with the pressure, stress and anxiety of trying to keep up with it all, that we lose sight of who we really are.
So, the second we’re by ourselves, we create a heart-wrenching story about being alone, intensifying our deep painful feeling of loneliness.
Sounds familiar?
Being alone means nothing negative about you, or about what’s missing in your life in order to feel worthy. It’s precious time for introspection on the way you’re really living your life and return to your natural state of being.
- It’s about acknowledging and coming face to face with your thoughts and actions
- It’s about acknowledging and coming face to face with your painful emotions of hate, anger, sadness, jealousy, grief and so on.
- It’s about acknowledging and coming face to face with your worst enemy: YOURSELF!
This can be scary, because you come to realize how you’ve let the outside world make you become the creator of your own misery and the life you’re living.
But, as scary as it may seem, it’s the most powerful way to the most wonderful discovery of all; YOUR TRUE SELF.
Introspection is all about recognizing how those dark parts settled within you, understanding how they’ve influenced your responses to situations and interactions and the consequences they created in your life, and learn from them. It’s not about judging, criticizing or loathing yourself.
Making the Uncomfortable, Comfortable.
At first, it will feel uncomfortable. Depending on how strong your attachment to the kind of relationships (including the one with yourself) and lifestyle you’ve created, it may even feel intolerable.
With the realization that facing your dark parts will bring you in a deeper level of giving up certain things, beliefs, desires, or people that you believed you could never do without, you might end up telling yourself, “Forget it. Instead of making me feel better, this is making me feel worse.”
There’s no easy way to make that uncomfortable feeling, comfortable. It’s by being with it long enough, that the fear of what you might find slowly dissipates.
It’s like being closed up in a dark room. Once you stop searching for the light switch, and sit there quietly in stillness, your eyes become accustomed to the darkness. Slowly, the room becomes visible, and before you know it, everything becomes clear. You know you’re in a safe place. You’re no longer afraid of being alone in the dark, in your own home. You feel relaxed and at peace. And, the outside light, suddenly hurts your eyes.
Trust that your inner home is always your safest place to be in. In order to feel relaxed, at peace and joyful in it, you must enter it and become comfortable living there, without the distraction of the chatter in your mind of trying to fix yourself, or insisting on how things should or should not be.
Before you know it, everything becomes clear. Your unique qualities, your loving nature and the abundance you already have, slowly begin to take shape.
Those dark parts, are not to be feared, rejected or ridiculed. They are there to show you the wrong turns you’ve taken, so your inner light can shine on your own true way. The one that lets you see that you can be and do everything you want, even if it means you’ll stand alone, without the approval of others.
There’s no doubt that forcing yourself to change certain behaviors, attitudes, habits and thoughts, in order to trick your emotions and feel better, is probably easier and can have a momentary impact on your outside world.
But, what about your inside world?
If it’s still in chaos, that deep sense of loneliness will continue to follow you, no matter what you do or where you go. And, responding to life from that suffering, becomes familiar and second nature.
You’ll keep ending up with the wrong job, wrong relationship and wrong situation.
No amount of friends, accomplishments, great appearance or possessions will heal your wounds and fill the emptiness.
This doesn’t mean that you need to care less about friends, your work and appearance. It means that you start caring more about yourself enough to give yourself wholehearted kindness during difficult periods, to grow into the kind of person you love being alone with.
- Then, the quantity of friends, won’t matter as much as the quality of friends you spend time with.
- Then, your job title or the amount of accomplishments you’ve achieved won’t matter as much as your passion for your work.
- Then comparing and competing with others won’t matter as much as putting your unique value out into the world.
- Then, your appearance or possessions won’t matter as much as having a solid inner foundation of compassion and love where peace and joy dwell in.
Tending to Loneliness
Loneliness is your heart crying out to YOU to be heard and return to it’s peaceful, joyful, loving state.
Just like when a baby cries because it’s hungry, if the Mother only tries to stop the crying with coochy-coo sounds or funny faces, the baby might chuckle momentarily. But it will soon go back to crying, even louder, until it’s fed.
When a mother pays close attention to the different cries of her baby, she comes to understand the sound of each cry, and tends to her baby accordingly. Then, the baby is comforted, relaxed and returns to its peaceful, joyful state.
In the same way, when you shut down all the outside noise, and listen to the cries of your heart, giving it the attention and understanding it longs for, giving yourself permission to cry, cry and cry again, letting your tears pour out everything you’ve kept bottled up, compassion steps in and feeds your heart with forgiveness and kindness that heals all wounds.
Forgiving yourself for all the regrets, guilt and mistakes that had built a concrete wall of fear around your heart, keeping it from giving yourself the kindness to say, “it’s ok,” and letting love lead your life.
There’s no blue print to compassion and love. They are not something that can be achieved by following a pattern, they are a living thing!
They come to life by accepting and understanding who you are now and learning from it.
I know, it’s not always easy.
I found that taking walks in nature, just looking at the trees, the mountains, the birds, the sunset, or feeling the wind caress my cheeks, the sound of the rain and the ocean, I experience a Divine loving force.
Nature has a gentle way of reminding you that you’re never alone, but are part of its majestic beauty and that your role matters as much as all living things, even if you don’t yet know what it is. As you let yourself go, it brings you closer to your natural state of inner peace and helps you to reconnect to the true you.
Remember, your self-worth is not determined by the things you do, the things you own or the people in your life, it’s already within you in BEING!
Start your journey towards meeting the most wonderful, and only true person who can make the kind of difference you’ve been searching for; YOURSELF!
