Ever had the urge to give up something you really wanted?
You had an idea, a dream or a goal. You were excited, passionate, even creative, in making it happen. Then, at some point, the time you’ve already invested and the time still needed for it to materialize seems very daunting and useless.
Now, the spark you had when you first started, has been put out by distress and discouragement. You look back and probably think, “What a total waste of time, and energy. I should quit before I dig myself into a deeper hole.”
Or
You’ve given it all you got and are one step away to let it come to life. And now, you either doubt that you can actually pull it off, or you’ve been ridiculed and criticized for it, or you’re faced with an unexpected roadblock. You look forward and probably think, “This was a stupid idea, it’s never gonna work.”
While I cannot tell you whether or not you should call it quits, I want to share what I’ve learned from my most recent experience, in hopes that it will lead you to getting your own answer.
A few weeks ago, I was invited to give a series of conferences.
I had put many hours in preparing my documents, I had the sequence of every topic perfectly outlined, seamlessly flowing with all the examples I was excited to share. And, with four days to practice before the first week of conferences, I felt relaxed and confident that things would go smoothly.
Then, on the Thursday morning, when I tried logging onto my laptop, the screen froze and after a few seconds, it went black. I shut down and re-started. The same thing kept happening, over and over. After a few hours of talking to multiple agents from the online Apple support, it was determined that my laptop needed a physical examination.
My knees weakened and I felt nauseous when the agent at the Apple store said that my laptop needed a minor surgery and would be ready for pick up the following Tuesday—the day after I was to give my first two conferences to groups of a hundred young adults!
It meant that without access to my documents, I wouldn’t have time to practice, which also meant I had to cancel my conferences; at least, that’s what I thought it meant.
Discouraged, I stopped at my favorite coffee shop, placing a huge responsibility on a cappuccino to lift my spirits.
As the barista prepared my salvation in a cup, he looked at me and said, “Signora Antonia, what’s wrong? You don’t seem yourself today.”
I forced a smile and said, “I’ll be fine.”
He handed me the cup, and I felt the cappuccino could use a hand in cheering me up with a fudgy chocolate brownie.
He gave me the brownie, winked and said, “It’s on me. Hope it’ll brighten your day. Don’t worry, things always have a way of turning around.”
I thanked him, let out a playful laugh and briefly told him about my eventful day.
He rolled his eyes, let out a heavy sigh and said, ” Signora Antonia, you’ve done this many times, you don’t need those documents. C’mon! These people want to hear what’s in your heart, listen to your experiences and capture what you’ve learned from them. When I attended your conference last year, that’s what stuck with me, not the perfect words written on a document. Just be present. Be yourself. Speak from your heart and it will be amazing.”
His unexpected kind words pierced through me, smacking down the critical voice of self-doubt in my mind, and tuning in to the loving voice in my heart.
As I sipped my cappuccino and indulged in my brownie, I realized that the reason for wanting to give up had nothing to do with having had enough of doing this work. I still very much loved, and still love my work. I asked myself, “How will giving up make me feel?” I felt a big lump of regret arise. When I envisioned myself to keep going, a wave of exhilaration swept in.
For the next three days, I practiced. I rested. I practiced. I went for a long walk on the beach. I practiced.
The day of my first conferences, I was present. I was myself. I spoke from my heart. I felt even more connected to everyone than I’d ever had!
Sometimes, no matter how many difficult situations you’ve overcome, or despite everything you’ve already accomplished, those feelings of self-doubt are practically inevitable. That little critical voice creeps up, telling you that what you’re doing isn’t needed. Or not worthwhile. Or, not good enough.
I totally get you!
From my own experiences of doubting my work, and there have been many, I’ve come to realize that letting doubt run free for a while, can actually keep you grounded on your motive and purpose for wanting to achieve your goal.
Doubt, if handled with care, has a way of letting you openly put those hard questions to yourself, recognize the false beliefs and attachments that hold you back, and keep you aligned with your true values. In doing so, it will open your eyes from being blinded by the beautiful package of a goal, an opportunity or a situation, that has you saying yes to the wrong things, and saying no to the right things. Sometimes, the hardest, scariest challenge you need to face is being honest about yourself.
It’s all a matter of realizing when it’s time to put doubt back on a leash, and not let it run wild with self-criticism, bashing and loathing, which serve absolutely no purpose. But, to bring your attention to the loving voice in your heart and listen to the truth—YOUR truth!
Feelings of frustration and disappointment in the moment of a setback are perfectly normal. Before letting those feelings take control of your decisions and actions, try this instead.
Take a breather
Go for a walk, or to your favorite coffee shop. Go for that workout or yoga class. Listen to your favorite music. Maybe all you need is to press pause, clear your mind and make the necessary adjustments to keep going.
Remember why you started working on it in the first place
If the passion for whatever you’re working on is still deep within you, it will speak through your heart.
Sometimes, we are made to wait to prepare us, shape us, keep us humble and true to our motives. When your true motive comes to life, you’ll naturally tune out the self-sabotaging dialogues, along with the fanciful images in your mind, and adequately perform in ways beyond anything you could imagine. Trust your intuition. The heart never lies. Let it speak to you.
Ask yourself, “How would I feel if I walked away from this? What would my life look like?” Notice the first feeling that arises in the pit of your stomach. If you feel a tightening of regret, you probably need to learn a lesson and keep going. If you feel a sense of freedom, that enough is enough, you’re probably ready to give up.
Stay focused on each step
Every step is important and requires your attention. Even If that step is a mistake, a setback or an unexpected tough situation. They are all part of the self growth journey that comes with achieving any goal.
Rest and Re-energize
Sometimes, the reason for wanting to give up is simply because you’re tired, and in the moment, giving up seems like the easiest thing to do.
Taking time to rest when you need it, isn’t a waste of time. It’s valuable time to regain the energy you need to keep going.
The same is true with trying to fix or control a situation or relationship which is beyond your control. At some point, you’ll feel so drained that you might end up self-sabotaging your own efforts and doubting your abilities and self-worth.
Most of the time, anyone or anything that diminishes your worth and keeps your value buried inside, isn’t worth it. By walking away, you’re allowing yourself to discover the extraordinary beauty behind the open door that has been waiting for you to walk through, setting you on a path to places you were meant to go, the work you were meant to do and the people you were meant to meet.
Remember that those tough times come at a precise moment when you are ready to learn and grow from them, and be more of who you really are.
Always listen to your body and treat it with care. It is your only vehicle to get through this crazy, beautiful one and only life of yours. Always listen to your heart, trust your intuition. It is your one and only true guide to joyful life experiences amidst all its tribulations.
