We all tend to judge others. We comment and criticize the way they talk, the way they walk, their appearance, their actions, behaviors, beliefs and so on.

One of the best lessons I learned, is noticing the harm that judging others caused in my own life.

One example is the very first time I stepped foot in South America. There was so much to adapt to that instead of trying to understand the true story behind their ways of doing things, it seemed easier to ease my pain of adaptation by judging them.

I’ll be honest, in the moment of my judging, it made me feel good about myself. The thing is, it didn’t take long before my frustration of adaptation kicked in. So much so, that it had become the only thing I thought about. At some point, I began judging myself for not being able to adapt as quickly as I hoped to and made me feel isolated.

Then, as I really got to know the locals, I paid attention to the struggles they had gone through and attempted to see things from their perspective. As they welcomed me in their world and described some of the horrors they had endured, I left my judgments at the door. My experiences, beliefs and opinions had no place in their lives. By putting my judgments aside, something wonderful happened!

Not only did I build a deeper connection with every person that came into my life, I build a deeper connection with myself that led me to discover a new passion. I gave conferences across South America and saw opportunities to better myself and get the most out of life.

Here are some of my personal lessons from recognizing that judging others is a harmful behavior.

  • In the same way I developed beliefs, behaviors, opinions and conclusions from my life experiences that shaped who I am, so did others. My judgments did not reflect the true story behind their ways of doing things.
  • Others may be carrying a different life baggage, but it doesn’t mean that mine is better and am entitled to judge them. My background and circumstances may have influenced who I am, but I am responsible for who I become.
  • It’s far more important to deal with what’s inside my own baggage then it is to point out what might be in some else’s. It may make me feel better about myself in the moment, but the side effect is that it will add to my baggage of self judgment.
  • Judging others easily feeds my thoughts into becoming a toxic habit that causes harm in my well being and prevents me from seeing the truth or falseness in the world around me. It stops me from learning, growing and becoming all I am meant to be and make a difference in the world.
  • Emptying my own baggage means I release my self-judgment. I stop comparing myself to others and give myself permission to try new things. It gives me so much more freedom and confidence to move forward and see opportunities I might not have otherwise.

One of my favorite authors, Paulo Coelho, said it best when he said,

“It’s one thing to feel that you’re on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.”

Sure, some people are toxic and draining. I found that judging or criticizing the way others have treated you, will only drain you more. It will harden your heart with anger, bitterness and pain and won’t change the situation or them for that matter. It may make you feel better about yourself in the moment, but the weight of the way they treated you, stays alive within you. It keeps getting heavier and heavier till you find yourself feeling lost, confused and lonely, bringing more anguish in your life for days, weeks, months or years. This is not say you should suppress and ignore the hurt. Feeling your hurt is part of the healing. Stay with it. Let it teach you what you need to know. When you judge what happened to you, you hold on to your past pain and leave little room for anything else.

You can never change others or the way they’ve treated you, but you can choose what you allow in your life. You can walk away from them and free yourself by letting go of the heavy burden of judgments you’ve been carrying and make space for what’s about to come. You can’t possibly reach what’s in front of you if you never let go of what’s behind you. by holding on tight to your judgments.

Realize that any harm that another has caused you, can only come from a place of their own misery and has nothing to do with you. We all have our own path to walk in our journey through life, you’re responsible for the way you choose to walk yours.

Don’t blame yourself if you catch yourself judging others. It’s a natural human instinct when we feel threatened by others in some way. If you pay close attention, you’ll notice that when you’re judging others, you’re using those judgments as a punching bag for something you don’t accept about yourself. It’s a hidden inner block keeping you stuck in your misery and from living your most joyful life.

Instead, try to catch yourself doing it. Pause before you react and try to understand where the person is coming from. Realize that when you think you know the whole story behind someone’s decisions, actions or behaviors, truth is that unless you’ve walked in their shoes, you don’t know the true story.

You may need to take an action, but it will come from a peaceful state which will allow you to not carry their burden for days or weeks on end.

It will release your self-judgment without comparing yourself to anyone. In other words, you accept where you are now and are grateful for the abundance already in your life. From this place within you, you will not feel the need to judge others in order to feel good about yourself and move forward joyfully.

Remember you don’t need to search for love; it’s already deep within you. It’s a matter of breaking down the walls you’ve built around it and letting it shine through you.