As I write this, I am sitting with a spectacular view of the mountains in Manizales, Colombia. A few weeks ago, something happened that almost changed my being here.
I was supposed to spend 5 days visiting a friend in Morrogacho, Manizales. After the 5 days, I’d be going to Medellin to stay for almost 2 months in an apartment which I had already booked.
I boarded the 10:00 AM bus on a Saturday morning heading for Medellin. Sitting there, looking out the window at the spectacular, peaceful view of the mountains, I kept thinking about the 5 days I had spent in Morrogacho.
It was 3:00 PM when the bus pulled up at the terminal in Medellin. From the moment I got inside the taxi and throughout the entire drive, I felt something was not right. I stepped inside the apartment, placed my luggage in a corner, looked around and felt the walls caving in on me. A feeling I knew too well. One I hadn’t felt in years from the days working at a big corporation. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling this way now. I mean, I was doing what I wanted, or was I?
I made myself a cup of coffee and sat on the balcony trying to sort out and understand my feeling this way. I began reasoning with myself, “this is an amazing city. You lived here before and experienced so many wonderful moments. There’s no reason to feel out of place. You know where everything is. You have many friends here. You should be so happy to be here. You don’t know anything about Manizales. Sure it was all great but, it was 5 days. Living there might be a different story. What if you don’t like it there? You know this place, you’re comfortable here.”
Truth is, I wasn’t. Looking down at the street below, the traffic, the sound of cars honking, the loud music coming from a resto bar a block away, reminded me of the traffic jam in my mind years ago. The many voices talking at the same time giving me all kinds of excuses as to why I shouldn’t make a major leap in my life . A strength came over me and I stopped denying my feelings and covering up my inner truth.
I wanted something more now.
I wanted to go back to Morrogacho, way out in the mountains. Enjoy the silence, the sound of crickets, the crow of roosters and the cry of baby goats. Just thinking about it, sent a spark of energy through my body.
My mind was made up. Although I was tired from the long bus ride, I refused to stay in a situation I didn’t want to be in and making excuses for wanting to be there. As they say in South America, “Para Que?” (For what)?
I called the owner of the apartment, apologized for the inconvenience and told him I would not be staying. He came within 20 minutes to pick up the keys and that same afternoon, I made my way back to the bus terminal. At 6:00 PM, I boarded the bus back to Manizales.
I can’t begin to tell you the feeling of total bliss when you stand up to your fears, when you stand up to the voices coming from your fears telling you all the “what ifs”. You feel a sense of liberation, a freedom to actually walk away from a situation you don’t really want to be in. You might not have everything all figured out and don’t know exactly how things will turn out, but one thing that’s for certain is that you are walking away from something you know for sure is not what you want. This practice makes facing all the hurdles along the way easier to confront.
It starts with small changes in your life.
If the conversation you are having with someone is annoying you, stop having it.
If you don’t want to deal with all the crap, stop dealing with it.
If you don’t want to go to the party, don’t go.
Exercising your mind by practicing will make it stronger to face bigger changes. The more you practice, the more you will begin to feel free to be who you truly are.
If you don’t like your current situation, walk away and change it.
I know, sometimes life will bring many challenges which we don’t have the control over changing certain situations. We can, however, control our attitude and change the way we choose to respond to that given situation.
