You’re More Powerful Than You Know

Last week, at the end of my conference series, one woman nearly jumped out of her seat with a burning question. “Who has been your greatest influence?”

With no hesitation, I said, “My first grade teacher.”

I had skipped kindergarten and started school in the first grade, not knowing a word of English. Raised by Italian parents who immigrated to Montreal, I could only communicate in Italian (oh yes, I thought Italian was the universal language). So, on my first day, I sat at my desk, feeling like an alien.

I can still see Miss Fliss’ affectionate, warm smile emanating a kindness that comforted my shyness and eased my insecurity.

Every Monday morning, Miss Fliss would call a few kids to the front of the class to talk about something they did over the week end.

Whenever she called on me, I would stand there, too shy to speak. With her warm, gently smile she would ask, “Would you like to try again next week?” I would nod and go back to my desk.

Miss Fliss stayed with me after school teaching me English words. Every time I made a mistake, I withdrew in my chair. She gently caressed my arm and said, “It’s ok. You’ll get there.” She got creative in her techniques, adapting to my pace without comparing me to other kids and made learning fun.

After many failed attempts, one Monday morning, I skipped to the front of the class and proudly announced, “This weekend I played hide n’ seek with my friends.”

She clapped and cheered with joy. “That’s wonderful, Antonia!” As if I had just given an Oscar Award winning speech.

I ended up being one of the top students in the class.

I didn’t know this back then, but she had planted a seed inside me, cultivating confidence and most importantly, the self-kindness to believe in myself.

Now, it hasn’t always been easy to nourish that seed when facing bigger challenges and setbacks in my life. Sometimes, I fell astray to comparing myself to others. Many times I almost quit when I felt the challenges were too much to handle. But, the seed she planted was always there. Recognizing when I needed help with the confidence to ask for it. A situation or someone would come along with a friendly reminder that my seed needed my attention.

Goodness knows there have been so many others who also guided, supported and encouraged me to keep going and growing.

I’ve always carried Miss Fliss’ patience and kindness with me. I never got to personally say “Thank you” to Miss Fliss. It’s been in committing myself to make that same difference in other people’s lives that I’ve expressed my gratitude to her.

Now, I hope to inspire you with the same miracle of kindness I learned from Miss Fliss.

Have you ever felt overwhelmed with life’s demands and insecure about not already having the abilities or skills to achieve your goals?

Sometimes, we get so caught up in our hardships and struggles in reaching our personal and professional goals and in the grand schemes of our lives that we become a one man show. We believe we need to manage every single little thing alone and that only someone lacking abilities and confidence asks for help.

Often, we pound on ourselves for not knowing all there is to know and for not being able to keep up with it all, that we shut ourselves from reaching our full potential and accomplishing great things.

Here’s where the miracle of spreading kindness to yourself comes in.

• Recognize and acknowledge the incredible strength you already have in getting through your daily responsibilities.
• Recognize that you deserve the comfort of giving yourself the help you need. And, that that help very often comes along from others.
• Recognize that you are worthy of getting other people’s help, support and guidance.

Asking for help and receiving it, is a powerful way to build strength and confidence (not a weakness) and creates a beautiful space for growth in our lives.

Yes, you may face rejection or negative opinions about what you’re asking for. The thing is that when you genuinely ask for help, you are not demanding for help. So, you will not be attached to the other person’s response which brings anger, bitterness or frustration when told “no.” There’s a vulnerability and humbleness in genuinely asking for help that lets you accept and respect a rejection and let’s you walk away from negative opinions peacefully, use them as a learning experience and eventually help will invite itself to you.

Of course, you’re the only one who can make it happen. Asking for help doesn’t mean that someone will step in and make your dream life happen for you.

• It means that you have the strength and confidence to open yourself to others when they reach out their helping hand and allow the space for people’s support when it is offered.
• It means that you have strength and confidence to give yourself permission to make mistakes and grow from them.
• And, it means that you lovingly realize you need to get out of your own way and let go of labeling yourself as weak, inadequate or inferior and discover your full inner potential.

Here’s where the miracle of spreading kindness to others comes in.

If we slow down from our busy lives to give a small word or action that could touch someone’s life, we will come to realize that in our kindness to others, especially in our moments of hardships, it will have a miraculous impact in our own lives too. It’s like you are giving that same comfort, help and kindness to yourself. You will learn to laugh at your mistakes, instead of judging and criticizing yourself for them.

More importantly, the universe has a generous way of returning that kindness back to you in abundance. Sometimes, in unimaginable ways.

Everyday, we have many wonderful opportunities to plant a seed in someone that grows in turning their life around; whether with a family member, a friend, a colleague. Or, the stranger seated beside you, walking beside you or standing in line. Or, if you’re a sports coach, team leader, or a teacher!

You may or may not get to see the fruit of the seed as it grows, but it will have made an impact beyond anything you could imagine. You will feel that you are connected to so much more than you realize. You will come to know just how much more YOUR existence matters in making this world a better place.

I am forever grateful to Miss Fliss for planting my seed with her kindness. And, grateful to every single person who continued to encourage me with that same kindness. It helped build my confidence on my life’s journey. I carry their motivation with me to this day.

Let’s embrace and share in the miracle kindness together!