There’s No Secret!
Last week end, I was invited to a surprise 90th birthday party lunch.
Half way during the meal, one of the guests—a local radio broadcaster in Santa Marta—got everyone’s attention to give a toast and shared some of Signora Dora’s life achievements.
As we all raised our glass, Signora Dora stood up. Her eyes twinkled as she made eye contact with everyone, giving them a beatific smile.
After she thanked everyone for making her 90th birthday a memorable one, the broadcaster asked Signora Dora to share her secret to a healthy and happy life.
Signora Dora let out a soft chuckle and said, “The secret is that there’s no secret.”
The broadcaster insisted, “You’ve never taken any medications. You’re in better health than most people half your age. You’ve always been happy like a kid. It’s clear that you know something the rest of us don’t know. What’s your secret?”
Signora Dora let out a deep, heavy sigh and said, “I’ll tell you this one thing and hope you’re all ready to hear it.
Well-being and happiness are not things to seek for. They can’t be found. Anyone can already have them by minding their own business.”
As laughter broke out, Signora Dora sat down and went back to her food.
Those of you who know me, know that I couldn’t let the day end without speaking to Signora Dora about her comment on minding on our own business.
Now, in the best way I can, I want to share it with you.
Here’s Signora Dora’s thought-provoking words.
Everyone believes there’s a hidden treasure somewhere out there that holds a well kept secret to their well-being and happiness. They don’t realize that believing in a hidden treasure is the cause of their unhappiness which deteriorates their well-being and destroys their relationships.
Our mind, heart and body are the essence of our well-being and happiness. They are our only means of transportation through life.
Our relationships, especially with ourself, is what pumps life-giving blood through our veins and arteries.
Money, a career, possessions and appearances are like having AC, fancy gadgets and a GPS in our car. If the mechanics of the engine, battery and transmission are not healthy, those other things will not keep our car moving forward on the road. At some point, it will stall and we’ll be stranded.
By chasing a hidden treasure, whether it’s more money, more stuff and more power, we slowly destroy our most vital mechanics to enjoy living and feeling alive.
Our heart will no longer know love, compassion and passion. Our mind will get stressed and depressed. Our body will develop all kinds of pains and diseases. And, we will lose the human connection with ourselves and our relationships.
In all the years I’ve listened to friends, family and neighbors, tell me about their sorrows and distresses, seeking this mysterious hidden treasure, they had all completely misplaced the same major piece to already having what they had been searching for.
In the most gently way possible, I always tell them the same thing. There’s no secret to happiness. You can already have it by MINDING YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
1. What other people do in the privacy of their home is none of your business.
What they believe and value is none of your business. Their misfortunes, mistakes or challenges are none of your business.
Unless your words about others or actions towards them are not helping or supporting them, you’re judging, criticizing or spreading rumors which are part of gossiping.
Gossip is the cancer of the heart. Kindness, compassion, passion and love can not stay alive with gossip. Although it might trick you into feeling alive in the moment, gossip destroys your own vitality in life. It keeps you from looking at your own life, at your own experiences, at your own fears, at your own mistakes and faults. When you’re not paying attention to yourself, you can never learn. Learning from your own life is fuel for inner happiness, well-being and builds human connection.
2. Other people’s appearances, possessions or successes are none of your business.
When you compare and compete with others, you’re constantly searching, chasing and pursuing something. Something more to buy, something more to own, something more to become, in hopes that one day you’ll feel complete and worthwhile. Your mind gets stressed, your heart turns cold and your body becomes exhausted.
The tragedy in all this is that we are already complete and worthwhile. We are all a unique piece of a very important place in this world. We shouldn’t insist on trying to fit ourselves where we don’t belong. We must take the place already given us, it’s already the perfect fit.
Over the years, it’s incredible how following the latest trend, latest fashion and latest technology has rapidly grown and moving faster than ever. People waste so much valuable time, energy and money keeping up with all the latest and greatest, that they no longer see and appreciate the beauty surrounding them.
It seems like everyone is trying to drive through life in the fast lane. They keep changing lanes to get ahead of each other. They end up bumper to bumper stuck in the middle of the highway. If they would slow down and have patience, they would appreciate the beautiful scenery surrounding them.
3. What other people say or think about you is none of your business.
Another thing I always found rather comical, is how much wasted energy people put into what others say and think about them.
I always tell them that anyone who puts their energy in insulting, judging and criticizing others, are living a very sad, miserable life. When someone is overflowing with love and living passionately, there’s no room for all that stuff. When you know this, you will never carry their garbage in your life.
Think of it this way, while they’re busying their life with gossip about you, which means that their life is so empty that they have to fill it with the ugly entertainment of gossip, you’re moving forward living your life. And, you will not let it jeopardize your meaningful relationships.
Another thing, when someone has hurt, betrayed or wronged you in any way, it’s not up to them to fix it. Whatever the reason for someone’s words or actions which has caused you pain, is none of your business. If you make it your business, you end up wanting the person to suffer and pay for the pain they’ve caused you. This will only cause more pain in your life because the longer you judge what someone did to you, the longer you keep it alive in your heart. It’s not your fault they treated you badly. But, it’s your responsibility to deal with it, let it go and be happy. Instead of asking, “why did this happen to me?” or “why did he/she do this to me?” ask “what is this trying to teach me?”
Relationships are the most important thing we have through which we continue to learn about ourselves and grow. Some last a lifetime. We cherish them and they become priceless, like antiques. But, some end. We must let them go for new ones to come along and teach us more of what we need to know about ourselves.
There’s an immense beauty that comes from having a simple mind and a simple life when you mind your own business. I have had many struggles and hardships in my life. But, when your inner home is built on a solid foundation, the walls will not come tumbling down and will withstand any storm.
Minding your own business builds your inner home on a solid rock foundation.
This is not a well kept secret in a hidden treasure, it’s a choice you can make now.
