Grieving Process: Transform Grief and Loss Into Hope

The last post featured Fabian’s story of having experienced suffering of the worst kind with the devastating loss of his mother.

He began his healing through writing. In working through strong emotions of anger and hate by putting them into words, he transformed his grief into hope and surrendered to love.

Fabian shares one his poems that he wrote while he was in the grieving process and transformed his grief and loss into words of hope.
(Original Spanish Version Below)

The Sun of Hope by Fabian Patterson

The Sun of Hope,
What can I say to you
I cannot say anything because the words
Are swept away by the wind, which is so cold that
I feel it in my bones.
I never thought that loneliness
Was so cruel and frivolous.
Nor that reality was menacing, furious,
Jealous of happiness.
It looks at me, it takes me by the hand
And leads me to a corral, a small cage.
Like a baby whimpering
In search of its mother.

One feels hollow, with a deep rift,
Distressed, anguished, gloomy, doleful, and, above everything,
Fearful.
When they are alone…
Yes…
I can say with confidence,
“In my life I was always alone.”
When I thought I was with someone,
God or distance took them from me.
Alone, in dark corners I cried
Because I was without love of any kind.
The love of a mother…
Which could have given me confidence in myself.
The love of a father…
Which could have given me an example to live by.
The love of a brother…
Which could have given me friendship.
Pure and sincere, like none other in this world.

I am anguished by my senses,
By the desire to be with someone
In this desert, that at the same
Time is a jungle of
Despicable beings that want
What little you have.

Night comes, and life has hands
That mark the time I have left.
In the middle of the darkness, I see a light
That is very weak, flickering.
It might be hope that is twirling.
I know the shadows like the palm of my hand
And this light is not of this world, it came for me.

Without realizing it, I was a person that began to grow bold.
I saw her, a beautiful woman with a large robe.
She looked at me and told me that
Everything could change if I made the decision.
She gathered me in her arms and gave me
A brightness that blinded my eyes.
She showed me a place that glowed
With striking colors, which awoke me.
I realized that I had been asleep for a long time.
I looked around and saw myself surrounded by “life.”
And in it, I saw eyes,
The green color of hope, that gazed at me.
As I controlled all of my emotions,
The pulsing of my heart increased infinitely
As if making me understand that I was there.
I don’t truly know what it was, but it was powerful.

It sought my eyes, and told me it was love.
I surrendered myself to her without thinking.
She kissed my lips and it was like honeycomb
With the purest, sweetest honey
That I had never before tasted in my life.
Yes… I was in love…
In love with her green eyes,
With her sweet mouth and the beauty
That glowed in her,
As a radiant sun in full morning.
She is the sun that gave light to my darkness.
There is no way to express gratitude for her existence.
She gave me life in death.
She is day in the night.
She is the radiant sun that complements my being.

(Original Spanish Version)

El Sol de la Esperanza por Fabian Patterson

El sol de la esperanza
Que te puedo decir
Ya no te puedo decir nada, porque las palabras
Se las llevo el viento que es tan frío que en los
husos lo siento,
Nunca pensé que la soledad
Fuera tan cruel, y frívola
Ni que la realidad, nefasta, furibunda
Celosa de la felicidad
Me mira, me agarra de la mano,
Y me lleva a un corral, glorieta chica
Como un bebe que gimoteaba
En busca de su mama
Uno se siente vacío, con una hendidura profunda
Molesto, angustiado, lúgubre, triste y sobre todo con
Miedo
Cuando esta solo…
Si…
Lo puedo decir con confianza…
“en mi vida siempre estuve solo”
Cuando creí estar con alguien
Dios o la distancia me lo llevo.
Solo, en los rincones oscuros lloro
Por lo que no tuve, amor, de ningún tipo.
El amor de madre…
Que me podría haber dado confianza en mí mismo
El amor de padre…
Que pudo darme un ejemplo de vida
El amor de hermano…
Que pudo darme una amistad
Pura y sincera como nada en este mundo.

Me trauma los sentidos
Los deseos de estar con alguien,
En este desierto, que al mismo
Tiempo es una selva e seres
Despreciables que quieren
Lo poco que uno pueda tener.

Se hace de noche, y la vida tiene agujas
Que marcan el tiempo que me queda
Y en medio de la oscuridad, vislumbro una luz
Que es muy débil y parpadea,
Puede ser la esperanza que esté dando vueltas
Conozco lo pálido como la palma de mi mano
Y esa luz no es de aquí, vino por mí,
Sin darme cuenta fui como una
Persona que empieza a jactarse.
Y la vi. Era una mujer hermosa con una toga larga,
Me mira y me dijo que
Todo puede cambiar si me lo propongo
Me agarro del pecho y me llevo
A una claridad que cegaba mis ojos
Y me mostró un lugar que resplandecía
De colores llamativos que me despertó.
Me di cuenta que estuve en un letargo mucho tiempo
Mire al rededor y me vi rodeado de “vida”
Y entre ella, vi unos ojos
Color verde esperanza, que me miro
Controlando todas mí emociones
Los latidos de mi corazón aumentaban infinitamente
Como haciéndome entender que estaba ahí
No sabía bien que era, pero era poderoso.
Busco mi ojos y me dijo que era amor
Me entregue entero a ella sin pensarlo,
Sentí sus labios y parecía una celdilla
Con la miel más pura y dulce
Que jamás en mi vida probé,
Si… Estaba enamorado de sus ojos verdes
De su boca dulce y de la belleza
Que resplandecía en ella
Como un sol radiante en plana mañana
Es el sol que dio luz a mi oscuridad
Y no existe forma de agradecer su existencia
Ella me dio la vida en la muerte
Ella es día en la noche
Ella es el sol radiante que complementa mi ser.